Looking back

There are so many sales that I want to buy, but I can't due to my lack of money. I don't feel like buying anything anyway because I don't really have my own money. I'm already too ashamed that I live off my parents and the fact that I can't support myself because of my situation and my condition. Most of the money I have doesn't from me, but my parents. The only money I've ever made is approximately thirty dollars from working as a cashier for only a day more than two years ago. I recall how horrendous that day was for me. My head was scrambled as I tried to do my job properly. I might have been quiet, but I was crying out for help that no one could hear on the inside. Not only did I struggled with that job, I also had to deal with my coworkers and customers that were mean and disrespectful to me because I couldn't do anything right. I felt horrible and regretful for not doing the service correctly for the customers. I was emotionally in pain on that day and my father made it worse for me after I got off. He kept yelling and screaming at me for keeping him waiting when I got lost after I walked off to the wrong path to find him. He became verbally abusive that I didn't want to remember what he said. I don't remember his exact words, but I remember that his words were pretty strong and offensive. He said he wished I was never born and that having me as a daughter was the worst thing for him in the world. Not only did I ruin his life, but also the world because of my existence. So he made it sound like he wanted me to kill myself or that he could go back in time to prevent my existence or to abort me.

After I got home, my mother got upset when I told her what happened. She said how could I not learn how to do the job as a cashier if I wasn't mentally retarded. Then my father laughed and mocked me as he called me a retard. He seemed to by enjoying inflicting pain on me as he took pleasure on my agony and sorrow. While my mother was being upset, she said she was very unfortunate to have a retarded daughter and that I have made her life tragic. I couldn't believe what I heard, even though I shouldn't be surprised knowing what kind of person she is (and same for my father). How dare she called that tragic when are there worse things happen in the world. I tried to explain to them about my condition, but either they didn't understand or they refused to listen because they have a right to believe whatever they want. I guess they will always be ignorant and think they're always right when they're really not.